Plastic Devil Machines

I wrote this for a friend of mine’s blog, which can be found on the blogroll, and so I thought I would add it to my own little collection. 

I would like to start this guest blog by thanking Jonathon Braden for allowing me the opportunity to share my personal experiences with his devoted readers.  Due to Jonathon’s immense praise for my running capabilities I thought I should give a tiny peek into my experience as a runner.  I ran competitively for five years, four years of high school and one year of college, I do not include middle school because coach would buy us KG Koolee’s after practice therefore negating any credibility we earned by running around the track.  In high school my best 5k time was 17:20ish and in my brief college stint (one race) my best 8k time was 29:30.  I then took what basically amounts to a two year hiatus from the sport to involve myself with other things, i.e. sailing, tailgating, competitive television watching.

I began training for a marathon last summer after I talked to Jonathon about his noble quest.  I trained for about 4 consecutive months (mid June – mid October) and was averaging about 25-30 miles per week.  My mile times ranged from 7 – 8 minutes with a maximum distance of ten miles.  I originally planned on running the Grandma’s marathon, in Duluth, next summer, but two things have impeded my progress, (1) lack of a set schedule and (2) cold weather.  Therefore over the last two months my progress has been spotty at best.  I recently gave up on the idea of running the marathon this summer, and have reverted to my favorite winter pastime of basketball.  Not that there is anything wrong with the sport, it just does not use the same muscles that distance running does.  So I currently am in marathon limbo waiting for global warming to kick in.

A question I get often is ‘why not run on a treadmill?’  Due to my unrestricted word limit I will give you my full answer to ‘Why I hate treadmills.’

1.)     I find treadmills incredibly boring.  Running in the same spot next to other people for an extended period of time, greater than 30 minutes, kills me.  Also at St. Thomas there are no televisions to occupy the mind, only mirrors to people watch, which gets old fast, and reading on a treadmill makes me sick.

2.)     Lack of air flow, this may be another St. Thomas problem but there is no wind or moving air leaving the air rather stagnant. 

3.)     I find myself trying to beat the treadmill.  This may sound strange but for some reason when I run me feet always hit the front part of the treadmill and every once in a while this causes me to lose my balance resulting in an awkward moment for the other twenty five people in the room.

4.)     The workout is not as good.  Sure the pace can be set, but there are no hills and you cannot sprint on a treadmill.  I personally feel, and this has yet to be proven true, that running outside strengthens the ankles because of the varying degrees and angles upon which the foot lands.

5.)     The off chance you are stuck next to an unsavory person, personality and hygienically speaking.

6.)     That annoying hum of the treadmill turning over-and-over, it makes me feel as though I am a hamster on a wheel in the middle of some science experiment.  I also can’t help but wonder what aliens would think if they looked down upon us while we were on treadmills.  I feel like they would hover/stand/what ever aliens do, and just think, “Are they serious right now?”

7.)     I hate having to look at myself while I run, due to the mirrors, it really creeps me out.  The old saying that ‘the view never changes unless you’re the lead dog’ definitely applies here.

8.)     I enjoy the fresh air; it clears my mind and revitalizes my body after the computer at work sends me into a coma.

 I saw a quote, walking through the quad, which I feel describes my running and the running of millions of aspiring athletes across the nation: “Conquer yourself.”